First Post of the Year

Goals Goal and more Goals. I love goals.  Honestly, I absolutely love goals.  I need goals.

Side note - My heel feels better today than it has since the Dallas Marathon...I actually feel like I could probably run on it but I won't do it today.  I am signed up for speed training starting next Saturday (1/10/15) - I am going to try my best to just wait until then to run.

In the mean time, I have been swimming, riding and lifting weights, setting goals and signing up for things.

I can only swim about 60 yards without running out of breathe (doing what I have learned is called the front crawl or freestyle?).  I am meeting with a lady at the YMCA today in hopes that she can help me with that.  I haven't shared with her that I only took beginner's swim lessons, and I am not 100% certain I passed the class as I would never dive in the pool.  Oh well.  I have swam 1/2 mile at once, so far, doing a combo of the front crawl and floating on my back.  So, my goal this year is to swim 1 full mile without stopping.  Totally doable, um, once I learn how :)



Biking.  I only do this 30 minutes at a time.  In that amount of time my 'lady parts' are pretty much finished screaming and are just numb.  Not in a good way numb....in a makes me walk funny numb.
My goal, after I actually PURCHASE A BIKE, is to ride for 30 miles with my lady parts in tact.  I believe the seat can be adjusted in such a way that this doesn't happen...otherwise I will prob be standing up most of the time.

Lifting weights - I have been lifting weights once a week for a couple of years now.  That sounds good and looks pretty good as I read it, but here's the deal, I do the SAME freaking routine every single time.  So, I am changing up my routine and incorporating NEW machines in the rotation. YIKES.  I have prided myself on accepting change pretty well but this change has caused a little anxiety for some reason, not sure why.  My goal is the continue adding new machines and not doing the same ones each time.

Other Gym goals include 100 push ups, from the toe.  Currently I am doing 20 consecutive.  Last year I was up to 75 before I hurt my shoulder, so I know 100 is totally doable.  Another random gym goal is 50 handstand push ups.  Currently, I struggle with 1.  This may prove to be my most difficult goal.  Difficult goals are good, right?

I have also decide that I will run a half marathon in 1:45, or less.  THAT is so hauling ass for me it is crazy, but I need crazy.  And I need to "let go" when I am running - I struggle with that but plan on overcoming it this year.  It is mental.  I may need to seek help on it.

Oh, and I signed up for a Sprint Tri on March 15.  Two weeks after the Cowtown Half I am signed up for.  Oh, and it is the day after the Panther City 5K that I am already signed up for. And I don't have a bike yet.  And I can't do the front crawl swim stroke that far yet.  And I haven't run since December 14th.   I am only concerned, because, well, I am not at all concerned.  Freaky.

I have known for a long time that I need a creative outlet in my life.  Creativity brings needed calm and peace to my life so why wouldn't I just do it already?  Well, I guess most of the time when I have "free time" my initial thought is "let's go to the sports bar, Tammy" and off I go.  So, I am training myself to at least stop and think through if that is REALLY what I want to do, if it is I see if I can compromise and wait an hour, do something creative, then go see my peeps at the Sports Bar. Sometime creativity wins, sometimes it doesn't but I am setting my intention to have creativity be a bigger, purposeful, part of my life.  My goal is to have creativity time at least once a week.

I received a link to setting your word for the year (created by Christine Kane) and my word is Openness.  It is honestly the perfect word for me.  My lack of Openness holds me back from all sorts of other things.  That being said, I am going to share a link to this blog with an on-line group I am in very soon...and I will not go back and edit any earlier posts.  

Big. Hairy. Step. For. Me. 

2 race updates

Jogging for Johnson 5k 

I believe this was December 6.  Was kind of cold that morning and there were oh so many kids.  They were everywhere.  I have never run a race with this many kids...oh well, I only did the race for the shirt...twisted humor that makes me laugh every time I think of the race.

I ended up with first in my age group and a PR with a 24:53 with an 8:02 pace.  I f*cking walked again though.  Not sure why I can't make myself just keep going.  I will take a speed class in January and see if I can't get this figured out.  Embarrassing.

Dallas Marathon
December 14
Very overcast sky but not that cold.  A little humid. It was so overcast that I could not see the tops of buildings. It seemed like a perfect day for a marathon to me, as long as it didn't downpour.  I was in the 2nd corral, near the front. We started off pretty well.  I quickly feel in behind a couple running together that had a nice pace and very nice running form.  I stayed with them the first 6 miles or so, but I lost them at a water stop. Never did see them again.  I felt really good in this race, felt like I could probably bring in around a 4:10, unless all hell broke loose or I broke.

Well, I broke.  Right before mile 13.  All of a sudden I could not put any pressure on my right heel.  I could not take a step without feeling like multiple ice picks were stabbing the bottom part of my heel.  Never. Ever. Happened. To. Me. Before.  I am not one that shows pain easily.  I am not saying I don't feel pain, because I do, but somewhere along my 50 years in this body, I learned that to show pain meant weakness, so it is very difficult for me to show it.  But I really had no choice...I couldn't even walk "right".
So, I showed pain and it was ok.  In fact, others runners were very very nice to me.  A random guy told me he would go find the medical tent, and he did. He found it, ran back to my hobbling ass  and told me it was just ahead with a blue flag....asked me if I could make it.  I told random guy of course and I hobbled on.  Made it to the tent and the doc put me on a table, we talked about what I was feeling and that no, I do not remember stepping "funny" or anything...he puts some tape on my foot and says maybe it will help.  I hobble another 3 miles, try to run at times but it is just a no go.  I gave it up.

I really did not want to be a DNF.
I really wanted to say I finished.
I really wanted the medal.

But I really didn't want to injure myself in such a way that I couldn't recover.

So, they told me where to go to wait on the sag wagon.  There was another runner there waiting too - he was a contorted mess.  I offered him some of my salt stick caps but he had his own and they weren't helping.

I won't even go into the next 3.5 hours in sag wagon hell...it is enough to say this part of the Dallas Marathon is a complete and utter mess.  It was awful.  Did not improve my opinion of Dallas at all.

I got crutches from a neighbor -they helped a lot.  Got in to see a doc and get x-rays on Monday morning, nothing is broken (Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!  He said a stress fracture can take up to 2 weeks to show up on an x-ray but that he *thinks* it is a severe case of plantar fasciitis.  I only know what that is because of an online group I am in.  He gave me exercises to do with my foot and a regiment of ice and drugs...and said to stay on the crutches for 2 weeks.

Fast forward a week.  I now have a strassburg sock and a Feetures Planter Fasciitis sleeve. I feel like both of these are magic socks - so I feel certain it is, indeed, PF.  I am off the crutches.  I can walk normal today but it does still hurt.  I can't run yet but I am on my way.  The crutches hurt my hands even with padding so I am done with them.

Damn Funny!

I need to be stronger, Mentally 

I have really got to figure out why I am allowing myself to stop and walk in some of my races.  I need to figure out the difference between the races I give into that voice that says "walk, B" and the races where that voice never ever shows up...or if it does it is easily pushed aside.

I continue to read articles about mental toughness and although I agree with most everything I read I have yet to figure myself out on this one.

I have a fun 5k race this Saturday.  I have a marathon the next week-end.  I really need to figure this shit out before the marathon.  I do not want to become a basket case over it but seriously, wtf?   On longer runs I have always thought I was just bored - and I know that is true but maybe that's not all of it.  Walking in a 5k is not because of boredom - it isn't that long of a race.  Even I can keep myself entertained for 25 minutes...mercy.

I honestly believe I can do anything I set my mind to so it makes no sense to me that in an instant I can "give in" to that little voice.  The two things do not go together, at all.

Maybe I am afraid of doing really well?  I have blown my own mind before so I hate to think that it is but right now it is the best I am coming up with.

I guess I will keep reading as much as I can about this and pick up some more tips.  None of the info I am seeing is new but maybe I will stumble on to something.

I hate over thinking stuff.

Does everyone do this?

Thanksgiving Day 5k

Got up early, went through my normal routine on a "race" day and headed on over to find a parking spot.  It is crowded and it is cold but everyone seems to be happy this morning.  We do all have so much to be thankful for.

I keep an eye out for anyone I might know and I did finally find a lady I used to see at the downtown YMCA - they moved to south Fort Worth so she works out elsewhere now.  Was fun catching up with her.  I find runners to be pretty friendly, which is good because I am usually solo.  

I never really got warm before the race - I walked and jogged up and down a hill hoping to get my legs warm but it never really happened, oh well, I assume everyone else was cold too.  The race starts, we go out fast. My legs are numb.  I wonder if I can keep running, but I do.  It is an odd feeling.  I do not get the feeling back in my legs until the race is almost over.

According to my watch, these were my splits:

 1st mile - 7:41  

2nd mile - 8:15  

3rd mile - 8:34

I actually walked a little bit on the 3rd mile.  That is embarrassing for me to admit, but it is the truth. I wish I could be mentally stronger because it is very mental with me.  When I want to walk I do start going through my body to see what hurts if anything, I am always able to breathe just fine, I just want it to be over I guess.  I don't really know why I give in and walk but I have done it more times that I like to think about.  It makes no sense - I ran an entire marathon without stopping but yet I freakin walk on a 5k?  Crazy.

Even crazier - I got first in my age group.  What?  The fast girls must be running another race today! I will take it but I really need to figure out the mental part of this.

Double Virgin Run

LOL - not like that!  Today is the first time, ever, that I ran at lunch time.  I liked it.  I am working from home so I had the opportunity and I took advantage of it.  I work from home frequently but it has never entered my mind to actually run at lunch time...the thought came to me when I woke up the let the dog out during the night..not sure why other than I didn't work out yesterday and I guess I felt guilty on some level. 

I need to shake things up and not do the same routine all the time...there is a fine line between the absolute comfort of my "routine" and the absolute boredom of the same shit different day I can get into.  Mercy, I am such a Gemini.

Today was also the first time I listened to a podcast, while running, called the "Mental Illness Happy Hour".  Pretty interesting so far.  Looks like most of these podcasts are at least an hour long...I will download a couple more, but I am pleased to say this certainly kept my mind occupied on my noon run.  Or maybe it was the combo of running at a different time of day and listening to something new and different ...who knows, it worked today.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving - I have a 5k in the morning.  I am kind of excited about it and I am thrilled with myself for NOT signing up for the half marathon - yeah!!!!

Love and Light.

 My MoJo is kindof gone - hmmm

Saturday...22 miler scheduled with the running group.  I visualize it several times during the week.  I hydrate well for several days leading up to Saturday.  I eat well.  I sleep pretty well Friday night.  I was woken up a couple of times due to thunderstorms but I slept pretty well. Woke up, ate, prayed, meditated, drove over to meet the group.  It is lightly raining and chilly but its not that big of a deal.  

I start out with the group but somewhere after the first 2 miles I end up on my own.  Several turned back as they are tapering for Thanksgiving day half marathons...I am left with a faster runner and he quickly leaves me in the rain.  I decide to listen to "You Are a Badass" again.  By the time I get to the 7.5 mile mark I decide I am turning around and that 15 will be fine for me today.  Why?  I have no idea really, just decided that was it.  Not sure if it was the off and on heavy rain, having to run in the neighborhood we ran in all summer long or ?  I did make a new "friend" on the way back - nice guy named Joe, we ran and walked the last 2 miles to finish.

What was interesting to me  about the run is afterwards I didn't beat myself up for not going to 22.  I didn't beat myself up for walking part of the 15 that I did do.  I can usually find something to kick my ass over and I certainly had fuel for that after this run but I didn't go there...I felt funny for NOT going there, but then thought, whatever. 

I am certainly not as pumped up about the Dallas Marathon as I was about Chicago.  I am not real sure why but I am trying to figure it out.  Part of it I guess is that I love the City of Chicago.  I do not love the City of Dallas.  I feel certain I will complete the Dallas Marathon but I may not PR.   I haven't trained as hard as I did for Chicago so I probably don't "deserve" to PR but who knows, we'll find out soon enough.

It feels like my MoJo is gone.  I still really like working out and I do not plan to stop but I guess it isn't my total focus like it has been for months.  Maybe I just need a break?  Not sure, I don't see a break until the marathon is over.  Maybe I need to be more well rounded?  

I really do want some sort of creative outlet.  I started cleaning out a space for that in the garage this past week-end and I am somewhat excited to get something going.  I have had stained glass projects, metal art projects and pottery projects in the past so I will start with those.  I am also interested in painting and learning the weld.  

I did go over to another neighborhood to scope out a new running area - it looks promising. 

I admit I am somewhat concerned about the loss of MoJo but not concerned enough to make an appointment with a coach/shrink/psychotherapist/etc to figure it out...I'm going to ride it out for a while.  That is a new reaction for me too...seems very calm.

Peace out.