Thanksgiving Day 5k

Got up early, went through my normal routine on a "race" day and headed on over to find a parking spot.  It is crowded and it is cold but everyone seems to be happy this morning.  We do all have so much to be thankful for.

I keep an eye out for anyone I might know and I did finally find a lady I used to see at the downtown YMCA - they moved to south Fort Worth so she works out elsewhere now.  Was fun catching up with her.  I find runners to be pretty friendly, which is good because I am usually solo.  

I never really got warm before the race - I walked and jogged up and down a hill hoping to get my legs warm but it never really happened, oh well, I assume everyone else was cold too.  The race starts, we go out fast. My legs are numb.  I wonder if I can keep running, but I do.  It is an odd feeling.  I do not get the feeling back in my legs until the race is almost over.

According to my watch, these were my splits:

 1st mile - 7:41  

2nd mile - 8:15  

3rd mile - 8:34

I actually walked a little bit on the 3rd mile.  That is embarrassing for me to admit, but it is the truth. I wish I could be mentally stronger because it is very mental with me.  When I want to walk I do start going through my body to see what hurts if anything, I am always able to breathe just fine, I just want it to be over I guess.  I don't really know why I give in and walk but I have done it more times that I like to think about.  It makes no sense - I ran an entire marathon without stopping but yet I freakin walk on a 5k?  Crazy.

Even crazier - I got first in my age group.  What?  The fast girls must be running another race today! I will take it but I really need to figure out the mental part of this.

Double Virgin Run

LOL - not like that!  Today is the first time, ever, that I ran at lunch time.  I liked it.  I am working from home so I had the opportunity and I took advantage of it.  I work from home frequently but it has never entered my mind to actually run at lunch time...the thought came to me when I woke up the let the dog out during the night..not sure why other than I didn't work out yesterday and I guess I felt guilty on some level. 

I need to shake things up and not do the same routine all the time...there is a fine line between the absolute comfort of my "routine" and the absolute boredom of the same shit different day I can get into.  Mercy, I am such a Gemini.

Today was also the first time I listened to a podcast, while running, called the "Mental Illness Happy Hour".  Pretty interesting so far.  Looks like most of these podcasts are at least an hour long...I will download a couple more, but I am pleased to say this certainly kept my mind occupied on my noon run.  Or maybe it was the combo of running at a different time of day and listening to something new and different ...who knows, it worked today.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving - I have a 5k in the morning.  I am kind of excited about it and I am thrilled with myself for NOT signing up for the half marathon - yeah!!!!

Love and Light.

 My MoJo is kindof gone - hmmm

Saturday...22 miler scheduled with the running group.  I visualize it several times during the week.  I hydrate well for several days leading up to Saturday.  I eat well.  I sleep pretty well Friday night.  I was woken up a couple of times due to thunderstorms but I slept pretty well. Woke up, ate, prayed, meditated, drove over to meet the group.  It is lightly raining and chilly but its not that big of a deal.  

I start out with the group but somewhere after the first 2 miles I end up on my own.  Several turned back as they are tapering for Thanksgiving day half marathons...I am left with a faster runner and he quickly leaves me in the rain.  I decide to listen to "You Are a Badass" again.  By the time I get to the 7.5 mile mark I decide I am turning around and that 15 will be fine for me today.  Why?  I have no idea really, just decided that was it.  Not sure if it was the off and on heavy rain, having to run in the neighborhood we ran in all summer long or ?  I did make a new "friend" on the way back - nice guy named Joe, we ran and walked the last 2 miles to finish.

What was interesting to me  about the run is afterwards I didn't beat myself up for not going to 22.  I didn't beat myself up for walking part of the 15 that I did do.  I can usually find something to kick my ass over and I certainly had fuel for that after this run but I didn't go there...I felt funny for NOT going there, but then thought, whatever. 

I am certainly not as pumped up about the Dallas Marathon as I was about Chicago.  I am not real sure why but I am trying to figure it out.  Part of it I guess is that I love the City of Chicago.  I do not love the City of Dallas.  I feel certain I will complete the Dallas Marathon but I may not PR.   I haven't trained as hard as I did for Chicago so I probably don't "deserve" to PR but who knows, we'll find out soon enough.

It feels like my MoJo is gone.  I still really like working out and I do not plan to stop but I guess it isn't my total focus like it has been for months.  Maybe I just need a break?  Not sure, I don't see a break until the marathon is over.  Maybe I need to be more well rounded?  

I really do want some sort of creative outlet.  I started cleaning out a space for that in the garage this past week-end and I am somewhat excited to get something going.  I have had stained glass projects, metal art projects and pottery projects in the past so I will start with those.  I am also interested in painting and learning the weld.  

I did go over to another neighborhood to scope out a new running area - it looks promising. 

I admit I am somewhat concerned about the loss of MoJo but not concerned enough to make an appointment with a coach/shrink/psychotherapist/etc to figure it out...I'm going to ride it out for a while.  That is a new reaction for me too...seems very calm.

Peace out.

My Favorite Book this Year

YOU are a BADASS by Jen Sincero

I have this book in an audio book format...I may buy the book format soon just so I can "mark it up" and get to sections easier than I am able to on my Ipod.  I have listened to this book 3 or 4 times and will most likely listen to it again and again.   Each time I listen to it I learn more - not any of it is rocket science, in fact, most of it is just common freakin sense.  The older I get, the more I read and the more I actually listen to myself, to more I realize some things I have known all along but failed to "honor" what I know to be true.

Anyway, I can not recommend this book highly enough.   She does her own audio on the audio book (she reads it herself, not someone else),  she received an award for best narration of a personal development book.  She does an EXCELLENT job - that can make or break an audio book.



    

                              

Audio book review

The Gratitude Effect - by Dr John Demartini  (cool name, huh?)

This book seemed long- was over 6 hours - but I did enjoy it.  I learned a few things from it and do not regret the time I spent listening to it.  It seems so simple but I must admit I could do a much better job at being grateful, for everything, good and bad, than I am.

I have probably NEVER thought to be grateful for bad things.  In the book he explains that really there are no good or bad events, it is our perception of events that we label as good or bad.  Either way, the event has something to teach us and there is always something to be grateful for.  He gives steps (questions)  to try to find those nuggets and he gives many examples.

He shows how the Universe is balanced and self correcting.  I had never thought of that before but it does make sense to me.

He also highly recommends keeping a gratitude journal.  How many times have I heard this?  I think I even started one with an app on my phone one time...I need to write it in a journal not on my phone. He suggest doing it for 1 month and seeing how your life changes.

I love my life already so this can only enhance it.  I believe I will start keeping a gratitude journal today.

Awesome Evening - meeting Marianne Williamson

So, I drove to Houston yesterday.  By myself.  Rented a room at a pretty kick ass hotel.  Found the Unity Church of Houston.  Showed up with my prepaid ticket to awesomeness and grabbed a seat.  I have been looking forward to this for a while.

I first discovered Marianne Williamson on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday.  It was an older rerun but new to me because I had just started watching the show(s).  Marianne has a presence about her, an energy - she seems so gentle, yet strong, so understanding and non condemning.  Her message was one of love.  Listening to her, her words rang so true to me.  God isn't mad at us and just waiting to pounce on us and toss us into hell because we are complete screw ups, He loves us.  All of us. Each and everyone of us f'd up little humans.  She helped me understand that there is Love and there is fear. Both are real, but God is Love.  And I don't need to live in fear - God is on my side.  He wants me to talk to him like a friend that loves me no matter what.

This trip represented several "firsts" for me - I have never gone this far out of my way to meet someone who will never even know who I am (driving to Houston is on the verge of being a PITA to me), only one other time have I stayed alone in a hotel that wasn't work related (mom was in the hospital that time), and I have never set foot inside a Unity Church.  I never gave any of that a second thought, until just now.  Wow. Good for me! I sat between 2 very nice ladies - Toni and April.   Toni and I had several things in common  (husband from Waco, his parents still live there, etc...) but she had never read or listened to any of Marianne's books and knew very little about her - but was friends with one of Marianne's relatives and she was curious.  Toni knew about Marianne and had watched her on her recent appearance of Super Soul Sunday.  We all enjoyed the evening and I believe we got what we came for.  To my surprise, Toni stuck around and took pictures of me talking to Marianne and having her sign a book.

Talking to Marianne, even though it was brief, was awesome for me.  I absolutely love her.  She seems to be exactly what I see on TV and I hear in her audio books.  For about a year and a half now I have started most days with one of her prayers - I have them downloaded on my ipod.  I did suffer from slight "oh my gosh"  "what am I going to say here" stage-fright etc but I did finally say something to the effect of "I want to thank you very much for the incredible influence you have had on my life" to which she said something like "Thank you and I trust you are passing that influence along to others" I told her I was certainly trying to do that.  And I am.

I feel so grateful that I was able to make this trip to Houston and had the opportunity to meet her.  My heart is swollen.

Pretty Good Audio Book

This is a little outside the "normal", "inside the lines", "don't get all crazy" way I have thought most of my life.  And that is OK.  I learned it was OK a little late in life.  I learned that when it's all said and done, I create my own lines and my own normal.  I can seek information and learn new things and if it offends or shocks friends and relatives, then it offense and shocks friends and relatives.  And what if it doesn't?

Anyway, the book is called Journey of Souls by Michael Newton, PH.D.  I will admit, most of the info in the book I haven't spent much time thinking about.  I found it very, very interesting though. He used hypnosis to uncovered past life information on people.  I know, I know - that sounds like some crazy ass shit BUT quite a bit of it made perfect sense to me.  The descriptions of what goes on BETWEEN this human condition was particularly interesting to me.  Spirit guides and Soul groups were new to me in a way, I didn't have terms for them before but their existence rings true to me.

Again, I listened to the book and it is presented in an almost academic way, to me.  It is a lot of back and forth discussion between Dr. Newton and those under hypnosis.  I am not sure how it would be to actually read it.

Some "take aways" from the book:  our lives are decided before we get here, we agree or decide really to come here and live a given life with the goal of learning the lessons we need to learn.  All the lessons point back to Love.  Love is really all there is and all that matters.  It is important, so very important to show patience, love and compassion to ourselves and others, ALL, THE, TIME.  There are Soul Groups that we are each a part of.  You know how sometimes you meet someone and you just know that you already know them?  I think this is part of that feeling.  They may be a part of your small circle Soul Group or part of a larger Soul Group.  Those is your Soul Group are here to help each other learn their lessons.

Some may think this line of thinking is directly opposed to God.  Lord knows I have never heard a sermon in church on a topic anywhere near this.  I have read the Bible cover to cover, more than once. I love Jesus.  I buy into the whole Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.  I also buy into Soul Groups.  I think we all come from the same Source.  Source with a capital S. I believe we are all equal.  I do not believe one religion is 100% right and one is 100% wrong.  I don't think anyone here has all the answers.  I believe we are all striving for the same thing - we want to love and be loved and know that we are good enough.  And we are all good enough to God, He made us.  He doesn't make shit.  We can take what He made and turn it into shit, but He doesn't make shit.

I believe that Love wins.  I believe it is OK to refer to God as God, Jesus, The Universe, Source, The Light, The Big Kahuna, J-man, The Man Upstairs, etc.

I do recommend the book, Journey of Souls, it is a pretty good Audio Book.

Lessons learned from recent Races

I have completed 2 races in as many weeks - one 10K and one 20 miler.  I learned lessons in both.

The 10K went well, very well for me.  This distance is good for me.  I was able to maintain a pretty good pace - average 8:17.  I came in 2nd in my age group.  The lesson I learned is this - I am not to only one trying to pick people off at the end.  Hello?  I know, this seems silly but my focus has always been on ME over taking someone else.  In this race, I was BLOWN away at the end.  I did not even know she was behind me...never gave it a single thought.  There was really no one in front of me to pick off at the end so I was just cruising along, and this woman came outta nowhere at full speed...not enough time left for me to get up to the speed I needed to catch her, even if I could have <not altogether certain I could have caught up with her even if there was enough time>.  So, I came in 2nd in my age group instead of 1st.

Not too shabby though, for two 50 year olds to come in 4th and 5th overall females.

Lesson:  Do not cruise at the end of a race, there may be an unseen force coming for you :) Finish strong, every single time.

20 miler.  This race went well through mile 13.  I had 13.1 under 2 hours, which is a PR for me.  But this was not a half marathon I was running, it was 20 miles.  This race did not go well for me after mile 13.  I ended up walking, walking a lot.  I had music on, I tried singing along in my head, I switched to an audio book, that occupied me for awhile.  I tried going through my "I am so grateful for" list - I would like to say that kept me busy for a long time, but that would be a lie.

I was not mentally tough in this race.  It is embarrassing to admit that but it is so very true.  I wanted to quit.  If there had been a shortcut back, I would have had a hard time talking myself out of taking it.  It just blew my mind that just last month I ran a full marathon without even thinking of walking and here I am freaking walking in a 20 miler.  WTF?  It's not like I couldn't breathe, I wasn't hurting, I was really bored and just wanted it to be over with already!  

I did end up with 3rd in my age group (only because 2 in my age group went in as Masters).  

It so was not my best.  I don't have to "place" every time for it to be my best, I just have to do my best and this was not it.

Several things I learned from this race:

1.) I need to spend time before the race visualizing the race.

2.) I need to pay attention and eat enough in the days leading up to the race, 

3.) I need a plan to fight off the negative voice in my head.

4.) I need to plan how to deal with boredom effectively.

5.) I can not take any mileage for granted.  Respect all distances.

6.) I need to put my race bib on my leg, not my jacket as it is a PITA to remove it during a race and re-pin it to your leg.

Things I did well:

1.)  I finished strong - passed 2 runners well in front of me.

2.)  I wasn't happy with myself but I didn't leave - I stuck around until the event was over (even though I was totally by myself).

3.)  I got out of bed and ran/walked 20 freaking miles.

I need to learn my lessons well, and Rock On.

Cold Running for a Texas Girl

OK, I get it.  My version of cold and your version of cold are 2 completely different things.  Call me crazy, but I really don't like running is anything under 70.  That being said, I have to suck it up and just freaking do it.  I spent most of last winter in the gym, because I could.  This year I am looking to get over my fear of running in the cold.

I have been dressing in layers but the layers never really come off.  Yesterday I went out for a 55 minute run, honestly I had not idea what the temp was it just felt cold to me.  I recently lucked into some fleece lined running pants at Marshall's for $16.99 - can I get a "hell yeah" on that price?  Yep, I bought 2 pair.

I wore a pair of those, a top and jacket.  Had my ears covered. Stepping out of the house I realized it was colder INSIDE than outside - wtf?  Whatever, I had miles to run.  I assumed I would be taking off the jacket but I never felt the need to.

The run was uneventful - was supposed to be an easy run and it pretty much was.  Had an average pace of 9:12 for 55 minutes - covered 5.98 miles.

Walking home after the run I pass a boy probably in his 20's wearing a tank and shorts....he laughs at me and I laugh at him :)  He tells me I look "funny" and I tell him he looks cold.  I am sure he was thinking "old people are so weird".

My better half told me it was probably in the 60's. Maybe I will get used to it somewhat or maybe we can just skip winter here.  THAT would be fine with me.

Hey - did I mention I signed up for the Dallas Marathon?  It is December 14.  Chances are good that it will meet my definition of cold and I doubt they will move it inside, so, I gotta get over the fear of the cold and  just do it.  Here I am going out for a run when it is in the 60's.

Random Reveal, first blog post

So, here it is, first blog post.  So many things run through my head - How much to reveal? Will anyone read this?  How much "crazy" should I show or should I even try to hid it?  God, please don't let my mother read this.

 A little background on me.  I turned 50 this year.  50 years old.  I still do not believe it, even when I hear myself say it.  I honestly do not know how I got here so fast.  When I realized that I was really going to turn 50 I decided it is high time to start doing a few things on the ole bucket/fuck it list .  I have read enough and talked enough to know I do not want to play small anymore.

I started the year with the an anniversary of being a quitter...I smoked most of my life, hell I was damn good at smoking, but I quit.  Nicotine is such a damn liar.  Mentally I know it's bad.  That is part of the allure too...its bad and oh so socially unacceptable....anyway, I reached the one year milestone in January of 2014.  I can't smoke anymore, I need to be good at something else.

I signed up and ran my 3rd half marathon - the Cowtown.  It was at the end of February, I finished it in 2:09:33.  Not too bad for not having a clue, pretty good actually. Had fun. I did not know a soul running it but met some very nice kids from TCU waiting in line for the porta potties and they physically got me in the corral (we couldn't find the gate in and I am too short to get over the fence).

In March, a friend and I went to Hawaii for a week of Surf School...it was freaking AWESOME.  It was hard, much more difficult than it looks and I never was "up" for long, but when I was, it was great.  Met some wonderful ladies on this trip.  First vacation type trip EVER without the hubs - girls only surf camp.  Would do it again in a heartbeat.

In April I drove to Luckenbach, Tx (yes, the same as the song, THAT place) and ran  my 4th half marathon - The Lone Star Half. Again, I did not know a soul running this race.  My time was 2:13:19.  I am supposed to be improving but this was not the case....looking back on it there are several reasons/excuses - it was a little warm, the roads sucked, it was hilly, I didn't sleep well the night before, yada yada yada.  The REAL problem was me.  I didn't have a clue about fueling or hydration.  People tried to explain it to me but all I could see were added calories.  I was coming out of a fat period of my life and did not want any added calories. All I consumed was water and a few raisins.  4th half marathon and still believing water and raisins are good enough.  Happy but Clue*fucking*less.  I was a cramped up mess when it was over.  Had at least a 4 hour drive out of there.  I didn't even get my free beer I was so cramped up.  Good Grief.

Before I ran my 4th Half Marathon I threw my hat in the ring for the Chicago Marathon.  It was a lottery drawing to see if I could get in, but I did. So I booked the flight and hotel ASAP.  I also decided to get help on the training and not do it "Tammy's Way", which is usually a combo of what I think, what feels right from what I read and what I hear.  I decided there are a lot of people out there with way more experience, at this huge monster that is a marathon, than me and it would be wise of me to use them.



In May I joined Luke's Locker Early Marathon training group.  They gave us a training plan every week and on Saturday morning we got up before the crack of dawn and started our progressively longer runs.  I loved the group as I always run alone.  I met and made friends with several girls that I feel like I can call anytime.

In June we (better half and I) went to Seattle and then on an Alaskan cruise.  I continued to meditate, pray and train while on the cruise....had a blast.  We had an AWESOME suite - we are spoiled for life now.  We have been on  at least 10 cruises and never knew this level of suite/service existed on a cruise, until now.  The wildlife was great in Alaska too.  Very nice trip - so glad we went.

We had started a remodeling project while we were on vacation...the agreement was that it would be completed while we were gone and IF there were any issues we would be contacted via text or email.  The house and yard we came home to was like the after math of a bomb...the remodel went on for a couple of months.  We are happy with the results now but living through it was painful.  I may have OCD tendencies and I like things in a certain order.  Remodeling a house and living in it is straight up chaos.

After the cruise I joined an on-line group of ladies called the Inner Circle of Sole which is a part of Brooks First Marathon (blog and facebook).  These ladies are committed to living larger and not playing small, setting big ass goals and busting ass to achieve them.  I wanted to see what I could learn from them.  I have never had goal I did not reach but I knew that I had a lot to learn about running, especially about running a marathon.

July, August, September - full of training training training.  I run, lift weights and do yoga.  I am learning to pace myself while running but it is a learned art.  Others seems to be much better at it than me but I am making progress. I learned a lot about hydration and fueling before and during runs - I am sure I have much more to learn but what I know now freaks me out on how I used to "operate" on and before runs....mercy mercy mercy.

October.  It's show time.  Chicago Marathon is October 12th.  We fly to Chicago on Friday, October 10 so we have a little time to settle in.  I am pretty calm at this point - I have no doubt that I will finish but I am a little excited and scared of the unknowns - the weather, how much it's going to hurt, etc... Saturday I meet up with several ladies from the Inner Circle of Sole - so very nice to put faces with the names.  I feel like I 'know' some of them from their postings before I even meet them.

I loved the Marathon.  I loved the crowds, the sounds, the signs, the energy from the crowds and from the fellow runners.  I just ran.   I settled in and just ran.  I never pushed it, I never felt like I needed to stop, I never hit the dreaded wall.  It wasn't easy but it wasn't as hard as I feared it might be.  I did see a lot of carnage along the way - people carried off in stretchers, many runners with IT band issues, hip issues, cramps, etc.  I prayed for them and prayed to keep any negative energy coming off of them to reflect off me.  I finished in 4:25:44.  4's have a special meaning for me and a set of three 4's are mine and make me feel like God is reminding me "I got you" and "you are on the right track, Girl" etc.  So, I wasn't surprised at all to see those numbers in my time.  I tried to soak up the feelings when it was over....and I wanted more.

That is enough catch up for now.  So, end of my first post - the rest will not be this long, but might actually say more :)

Peace out.