Week-End Updates

Whew!  Saturday morning I ran the Panther City 5K - this race started and finished from a brewery right down the street!!!  Who knew this place was even there?  Not me!  Anyway, it was mainly on dirt and not cement but I am not sure I would go so far as to call them trails.  Just dirt.  I started out way too fast (7:44 first mile) and knew it pretty soon :)  Got passed at the end by the only person I was concerned with in my age group -  I did not turn it on to catch her either, decided to save it for another day.   It was a PR for her, it wasn't and wouldn't have been for me.  I was at least a minute off my PR, so I will catch her another day.  Ended up with 2nd in my age group with an average pace of 8:23.  I will take it and work on my pace.

Saturday around noon a friend from an online group I am in (Brooks First Marathon, Inner Circle) arrived from Oklahoma.  We are both doing our first Sprint Triathlon on Sunday - St. Patrick's Day Triathlon in Keller, TX. We have never met in person - it was so awesome and special to actually meet in person.  We went to packet pick up, picked up some belts to hold our bib numbers, had some lunch, watched some You Tube videos on transitions for the Sprint Tri and went to bed early.  The alarm went off at 4:15...AM...mercy.  We got to Keller a little after the transition area opened at 6:15am, got marked and set up our stuff.  

My number was 501.  The first athlete went in the water at 7:30.  There was a 5-7 second wait between athletes.  Needless to say it was a LONG wait and those that started first were FINISHED before I ever even got in the water.

Swim portion - the lanes were 50 meters long.  I had to rest after 100 meters.  We only had to do 300 meters...I spend almost half of those last 200 meters on my back instead of doing the free style.  Hey, whatever it takes.  I took a salt stick capsule before I got on the bike.  Got my PF sleeve and socks on my wet foot, threw on a shirt over my wet Tri suit, helmet and glasses and took off running with the bike.

Bike portion - a 2 loop course.  With hills.  Dang it.  I have yet to ride in a group or even with another person so I winged it the best I could.  I passed 1 person, I was passed by about 100.   I guess I need to invest in my own bike (I borrowed one) and actually get pedals and shoes that clip in.  It's only money, right?  And time.  And commitment,

Run Portion - My legs felt wobbly and I had cramps in both calves as well and the shin area of my left leg.  I took another salt stick capsule but I had nothing to drink - oops.  It did kick in around mile 2 so I was able to finish strong.  I felt better after mile 2 than I had most of the day.  Maybe because it was almost over, maybe because of the salt stick, or a combo of both.

Lessons learned:

* Must improve on the bike - need to work with the Tri coach on this.
* Must improve on the swim.
* Remember to start my watch - I remembered to get the satellite but forgot to press GO.
* Take salt stick early and often, with liquid.
* Turn off all alarms and notifications on my phone.
* Bring food and drink to the swim portion if I am in the back of the pack
* The competitors in this race were the nicest, most encouraging people I have ever raced with.

Cowtown 2015

37 years.  That's how long the Cowtown Marathon has been running.  No races have ever been "called" due to weather, but we had an ice storm that didn't go away fast enough this year.  The Expo did not open on Friday at all. They cancelled all the races on Saturday, Feb 28 - adult 5K, 10K and kids 5K.   They sent out an email letting everyone do the Saturday races virtually so we could still get our bling :) I did mine on the treadmill, my time wasn't great but a treadmill in the garage wasn't too exciting.

I drove to the Expo around 2 or 3 on Saturday.  Driving really wasn't a problem but walking a couple of blocks to the Expo was a huge problem, for everyone.  The sidewalks were slick as snot.  I ended up walking in the median as best I could - ice over grass was easier than ice over cement.  Thank goodness for boots! I met some really nic people in line at the Expo and the volunteers working there were just awesome.

By the time I got home from the Expo they had cancelled the Sunday Full Marathon and the Ultra but said everyone could run the Half.  I felt really bad for those that had trained for those races and certainly understand being pissed at the weather.  The start was delayed until 8am, hoping things would clear up a little more.  Honestly part of me wished they had cancelled the whole thing...I really do not like the cold and wasn't looking forward to running in this messiness.

When I signed up for this race (it is my favorite) I was in great shape and felt awesome running...I was assigned to corral 2.  Back when I signed up I felt certain <had no doubt really>  I would do a sub 2 in this race.  One injury later and that wasn't to be my reality this time.  Mentally I told myself to just try to have fun and screw the time...besides, I hadn't even run more than 6 miles at a time since December 14.

I have been running in some pretty low profile shoes - the brand is Karhu.  When I bought them the sales guy told me not to run long in them...but they seem to irritate my PF less than anything else so I made the decision to wear them anyway.

Getting to the corrals was another slick event but I didn't fall and didn't see anyone else fall, but I am surprised about that!  I did see people shaking so bad they couldn't stop.  I had 3 layers on top plus a trash bag and thermal insulated running pants, gloves, scarf, head band.  I was cold but not terribly cold.  I couldn't find my "pouch" I usually run with so I had to make due with what I had.  This race photo is hilarious!  Good Grief.

Honestly, I didn't enjoy much of the race.  I kept telling myself to but it really wasn't that much fun. It was cold, dirty and wet. My feet were wet from about the start.  It was misting on us the entire time.   I had decided I would walk the hills, so I did.  Right before the largest hill we got stopped by a train. A train.  For several minutes.  Truth be told though,  I was kind of glad to see the train but stopping did make me colder.

Some miles I thought this is one of the silliest/stupidest things I have ever done.  Some miles I thought this isn't too bad - it will be over soon.  But most of the miles I knew that if this wasn't the 2nd year in a 3 year medal series and if I hadn't SAID I would do this, that I might been at home in bed. Well, I think that but when it comes down to it I am too cheap to throw away that entry fee.

When it was over, my time was 2:17.  I was SO glad I did it and I finished it.  I was pretty happy with the time too even though it probably is my worst time ever (will go back and look).  Coming off an injury and lack of training - I will take it. And, no real PF issues and the shoes were fine for me.  They are dirty as hell now but that's ok.  I can build on this - thank you GOD!

Now, of course, I am ready to sign up for another one.  Dallas rock N Roll half is in a couple of weeks (March 22) and they sent me an email for $60 off ..it is a cute medal....

Catch up on posting

Wow - it's been a few weeks since I last posted anything...here is a quick update:

Vacation - had a great time and completed most all of my workouts.  Added some time on the elliptical and the rowing machine.  Was fun and made it a little more interesting doing some new things.  What I did not do was swim. The pool just wasn't big enough so I opted out of that.  Met some great and interesting people and that is always fun.  Biggest positive - Hubs started walking and did it every day that I worked out.  He seems sort of excited about it as he has an app that is counting his steps and he tells me each day how many he got in.  This is a big change.

Tri coach - I still pretty much suck at swimming and my shoulders always seem to be sore but I know I am making positive progress.  I am able to swim longer without stopping.  My coach believes I will have no problem in the sprint tri, so I believe it too.  I knew he had completed many full Ironmen but I did not know until recently that he competed in a TRIPLE IRONMAN in Virginia this past October. Holy Moly.  Triple Ironman.  I can not fathom that.  Who comes up with this stuff?

Creativity - I took a class, with my health coach, on creating your "Inner Goddess".  It was using multi-media and was a complete blast!  I loved every single second of that class and really ignited something in me.  I think about what my next project is going to be all the time (maybe I am obsessing).  I really want to do something creative more than just once a week so, I got a treadmill. The treadmill enables me to get my run in early in the day.  Hubs doesn't want me to run in the dark and I am really not thrilled with the idea of it either. The YMCA doesn't open until 5:30, I start work at 7,  that just really doesn't give me enough time.  This should allow me to do something creative after work when I am not biking, lifting, swimming or doing yoga....or meeting up with hubs or friends for happy hour.  OK, so I might only get me an extra evening, but I will take it.

Heel pain - I wish I could say this was a thing of the past but it is not over. I am beyond tired of it.

Upcoming races - Next weekend is Cowtown.  Cowtown is in Fort Worth.  It is my favorite race.  I will be doing the 5K on Saturday and the Half on Sunday.  I signed up the first day they opened  for registration.  I remember thinking at the time, that I would "save" my time and get a sub 2 at Cowtown Half.  Lesson learned on that.  Back then I could have gotten up any day of the week and run a half without issue.  It honestly never entered my mind that I would get hurt.  I know I will most likely not do a sub 2 - hell I haven't run over 6 miles at once since mid December. I haven't run any miles completely pain free since then either.  I will do the best I can do and be happy for that.  In the future, I will not "save" my best for any particular race,  Would it have been nice to get a sub 2 in my favorite race?  Yes.  But we are not promised tomorrow and certainly not promised tomorrow in the same condition we are in today so just run the race already and give it your absolute best.

Dead F*cking Last (DFL)

So, yesterday I met with my running group - we meet on Saturdays at 7am.  It is about 35, cold to me. My coach has on sort sleeves and shorts...what the ?

We run a 1 mile warm up...do some different stretches and then we are to run 4 miles at about 85-90% of our goal 5k pace.  I haven't done this in weeks.  I am so f*cking out of running shape.  The week before I got hurt in the marathon, I ran a 5k with a PR pace of 8:01.  I am having a struggle to keep it under 10:00.  Needless to say, I am DFL in the group.  I am *trying* not to think about what the coaches may or may not be thinking....

So, what did I learn?  Somebody has to be DFL.  perhaps it is high time I take my turn at it and realize it isn't the end of the world.  At least I am running, right?  I fully believe my time will come back and as it is coming along I need to remember to be grateful and to fully respect whoever takes my place in that position, if I even notice who that is.  I could not even tell you who it has been in the past.  I learned that I am really going to have to put in some quality time getting back...and we have a vacation coming up.  Running on vacation can be a sore spot with my husband....it cuts into my drinking time in the evening, it makes me get out of bed early and it lets me run in new, interesting places - which he tends to see as probably dangerous.  We will work it out so that I do not have to do all of it on a treadmill - outside *should* be awesome,  little warm and a little/ a lot humid.

My running program called for 45 minutes of easy running today - It felt pretty good.  I took it slow, avg pace of 10:32.  There is some heel pain but not much.  It was a little windy but I am certainly not complaining - and it was about 50 outside.  I listened to a new (to me) podcast called "Life is a Marathon - this one was on morning routines.  Most of it I do already but he talked about a "vision board" that he reviews each morning - it contains pictures of goals and things he wants to obtain in the future.  I think I will make one too.

In about an hour I am meeting with my new Tri coach.  I am pretty excited about that, although I feel pretty fat in this Tri suit...it is what it is and that is what he wants me to swim in today.  I am setting my intention that this will be a very positive experience and that I will learn great things from him.

Day 2 of No Heel Pain

Today I am hopeful and VERY Optimistic the maybe, just maybe, plantar fasciitis is GONE.  For now anyway.

I did not have pain yesterday or yet today..and I don't plan to have any :).

I am going to meet up with my running group in the morning.  They will kick my ass and I will love it.

I am going to try so very hard NOT to take running for granted.  I need to remember to be so very thankful for the opportunity to run and for the ability to run.  I need to remember this when runs go well as well as when runs do not go as planned.  Probably especially when runs to not go as planned.

I need to remember that I am weeks behind in running fitness and that is OK, I do not need to kill myself trying to get back to where I was, it will come back soon enough.

I have been all over the place emotionally this week.  I started out the week (Sunday and Monday) having a really hard time preventing myself from slipping down the depression black hole over not being able to run.  I know it is a slippery slope and it is so very difficult to not listen to the lies it tells.
Tuesday I said F*CK IT and ran/walked a little over 4 miles.  I loved it and it did me a world of good mentally and let me know how really far I may have slipped in 6 weeks of not running.  It's ok, I know I will be back at some point.

Wednesday I had some pain but not too  much - I was totally willing to just accept that the little pain I felt might just be as good as it gets.  I also FINALLY talked to a Tri coach and have a meeting setup on Sunday for him to evaluate my swimming skills or, err, lack there of.

Random - I had 2 visual migraines on Thursday and 1 today.  It's been a long time since I had one and I do not remember having 2 in one day, ever.   Maybe related to the emotional roller coaster week?

This is similar to what happens to be during a visual migraine -

You've come a Long Way, Baby

I rarely look back or think about how far I have come.  I am more embarrassed about where I was than I proud of where I am now.  I need to reverse that logic.  I have a lot to be proud of.  So, I am going to try to construct a time line of events over the last few years, some of this is from my faulty memory, some from race dates I can find on line....here we go.

January 2012 - Health screening at work.  My numbers suck.  I am fat.  I am out of shape.  All my numbers suck - blood pressure, cholesterol, cardiac risk, etc.  Am assigned to a health coach - have my first phone call with her. I am 47.  I weigh more than I ever have.  I need to lose about 40 pounds. I have been smoking for over 30 years.  I eat candy every single day - like theater size boxes of candy, have been eating candy every day for over 40 years.  I snore like a train.  I take tums daily.  I eat crap.  I drink way too much.

March 2012 - Health coach has convinced me to get off my ass.  I join a boot camp class.  I suck at class and I am horrified at how badly I suck.  I can hardly recognize myself.  It took every single thing I had not to come in last in all the drills.  Last.  WTF?  Health coach has convinced me to eat one serving of vegetables a day, I don't have to take anything away, just add the vegetable.

April 2012 - I continue with boot camp several times a week.  I am getting better at it.  Still disgusted with myself.  I am depressed and probably have been for a long time.  The exercise is helping.  I am up to 2 vegetables a day.

May 2012 - Still in boot camp but it ends and I join the YMCA.  I start walking TO the YMCA, working out and walking back to my car - at least a mile each way.  I am losing some weight and I feel better.

June 2012 - I get a fitbit.  I start logging all my food.  I am religious about logging everything that goes in my mouth.  I join in with other fitbit users online and we compete - I kick most of their asses in the number of steps most days.  I love it. I give up candy.  I give up all sugar unless it is in fruit or Captain Morgan but no candy, cakes, brownies, pies, cookies, etc.

July 2012 - I am losing a lot of weight.  I continue talking with the health coach, logging my food and moving my ass.  I am walking, lifting weights and doing yoga.  I do not give into any food temptations.

September 2012 - I have lost about 25 pounds.  I have a 30 year class reunion.  I have a blast.  I am happy with me.  I keep going.  And I am still smoking.

January 2013 - I have lost a little over 40 pounds.  I have not touched sugar since I gave it up.  I have hired the health coach privately now, she is not provided through work anymore.  I love her and feel completely indebted to her.  I am still logging all my food, making smarter choices and working out. I decide to stop smoking, So I do.

May 2013 - I am still going strong.  I decide to run a half marathon.  I have never even raced a 10k. Haven't even raced a 5k since I was in my 20's.  Screw it, I am signed up for a half marathon in September.  It never enters my mind this training is going to be HOT.  I google what I should do to prepare, I put a plan together and I do it.  I have no clue what I am doing but I am too clueless to know I am clueless.

June 2013 - 1 year to the day, my Fitbit breaks.  I do not replace it.  I believe I can do this on my own.  And I do.

September 2013 - I do it.  I finish the half marathon.  I fuel only on water and a few raisins.  I am afraid of getting fat so I do not fuel properly during the race.  I get second in my age group.  I am hooked.  My time is 2:19.  I sign up for another race.

November 2013 - I run the McKinney Mini Half marathon.  My time is 2:11.  (I still know nothing about fueling.  When I think about that I am just amazed at what I did, that I made it).  I sign up for a Turkey Trot 5K, my first Turkey Trot.  My parents and husband think I am nuts. there are thousands of people, no exaggeration.  My time is 27:42.  I never ran a 5K that fast in my life.  Of course in my younger days I ran them hungover, but oh well.  I sign up for the Cowtown Half Marathon, it is in February.

January 2014 - Annual health screening at work.  My numbers are all pretty good. I am still doing all the same things - talking to my health coach, haven't smoked for a year, no sugar, eating well, exercising, etc.  but I have a terrific fear of gaining weight and no matter what the scale says I feel shame.  I don't know what a "good" weight is.  I know what size clothes I like to wear, and I do, but that scale number has f'd me up my entire life, no matter what it says.  I am tired of trying on my own to get over this shame - I go to a psychotherapist.  She's a little bitchy. I like her.

February 2014 - I run the Cowtown half, still no clue on fueling.  Just water and raisins.  I love this race more than the others.  So many people.  So much crowd support.  My time is 2:09.  I am still eating well, talking to my health coach, not smoking, and no sugar.  I am pretty happy with myself.  I need a bigger challenge but I don't know what that is going to be yet. I sign up for another half in April.  Still seeing the psychotherapist.

April 2014 - I read a book called "Brooks First Marathon".  I put my name in the lottery for the Chicago marathon.  I get in! I also write my "story" and send it to Brook.   My "story" runs on Brooks First Marathon FB page,  I have a half marathon the next day.  None of my family saw the story, thank GOODNESS.  The only person that calls me about the story is an old boss.  She only ran one marathon and it was Chicago.  The half marathon kicks my ass, the combo of stress over the story, getting into Chicago, heat, humidity, hills, water and raisins were almost more than my body could take - I was a contorted mess after this race.  My time was 2:13.  I am on a table after the race and they are trying to get me to stop cramping up.  I can not walk without cramping. I am 5 hours from home.  I do not know a soul at this race.

May 2014 - The psychotherapist introduces me to tapping.  I start doing it everyday at lunch time.  It really seems to be helping with the shame I have around the numbers on the scale.  I love this new tool.

June 2014 - I start marathon training with Luke's Locker.  I love it.  I start learning about fueling on a run.  I part ways with the psychotherapist.  I love her and I will miss her.

July 2014 - I join an online group "Inner Circle" from Brooks First Marathon FB page.

August 2014 - I start having what I think are IT band issues but it turns out it is BUT is is all related to hydration with me.  I am introduced to and start taking SaltStick capsules when I work out.  I stop cramping up and the IT issues stop.

September 2014 - I run my first ever 15K.  Hot as Hell.  My time is 1:25.  I run a half marathon in Dallas - time is 2:04.  I am fine with that time because I was not racing - its too close to Chicago to really race.

October 2014 - Chicago!  I meet up with several ladies from the "inner circle" group.  I get pointers from some of them about things I would not know to do in the marathon otherwise.  It is so nice to meet these ladies in person after talking for several months on line.  I chat with several from my running group at home.  My husband is here.  I am not really nervous and I have no doubt I can do this marathon.  I just want to do it.  I try to take in as much of it as I can.  I love it. All of it.  I want to bottle the feeling I have when it is done.  I wait maybe a week before signing up for the Dallas Marathon in December.

November 2014 -My first ever 10K.  I place 2nd in my age group, 5th female.  My time is 50:32.  I got passed at the end of this race, I learn not to slow down before the race is over just because everyone in front of me has crossed the finish line.  Thanksgiving day 5K run - first in my age group, pace is 8:12.

December 2014 - Another first in my age group in a 5K, pace is 8:02.  Then come the Dallas Marathon.  Stabbing pain in my heel right before mile 13.  I do not finish.  I don't like the fact that I am a DNF but I don't kick my own ass over it either and THAT is major progress for me on many many levels.  I start swimming, biking, weights and yoga because I can not run.

January 2015 - I will reach a 2 year anniversary of when I quit smoking this month.  I still have not touched sugar. I have my annual health screening at work.  My numbers freaking rock.  My heel is still jacked up with plantar fasciitis.  I sign up for a Sprint Tri in March. I need a bike and I need to learn to swim better.  I sign up and pay for swim lessons at the YMCA.  They are a disorganized cluster.  They are fired but they don't know it yet.  I am meeting with a highly recommended TRI coach.  Things have a way of working out.  I still talk to my health coach.  We are friends now.

I have come a long way.

Patience Grasshopper

I am so freakin tired of not being able to run.  To run with ease and not having to think about it or feel pain with every single step.  I have not run at all since December 14 until yesterday.  So basically a month.  That was a deadline I gave myself...like I am really in charge of such things.  The reason I set that deadline is because my speed class started yesterday (1/10/15) with Luke's Locker.

We had to run a timed 3 miles to see what group we would be placed in.  I felt pain for that entire 3 miles.  I could not run my best, but I did about the best that I could.  I hope it was good enough to stay with my group of friends from the marathon training...but I guess if it isn't good enough, I will make new friends :)  After running those 3 miles I felt like I had set myself back at least 2 weeks, if not more.  I hurt with every step.  Damn you plantar fasciitis.

I started thinking about all the things I have done to try to "fix" my heel....it is kind of humorous and sad all at the same time because I am SO NOT IN CHARGE.  In no particular order I have done the following:

Went to the doctor (MD), had x-rays, used crutches, prayer, begging prayers, deal making prayers, I sleep in a Strassburg sock every night, I wear a sleeve made by Feetures every single day (I have more than one), shoe inserts, essential oils, salt therapy, water jet therapy, went to see a (new to me) Energy Healer, she did a vibration therapy and a laser therapy on my heel, healing meditations, energy meditations, chakra clearing, legal drugs, lots of alcohol, foot & leg massage, ice water bottles, wooden rollers, plastic spiny ball, ice wraps, heat wraps, salonpas, tape, positive thoughts.....I am sure I am missing a few things but it is enough to say I am not really able to fix this.

That is kind of hard to accept.

God reminded me today of all of the above that I have done and that I can keep on but really I am not in charge.  He didn't tell me I should stop the foolishness already, He simply reminded me the He is in charge.  Funny thing happened once I acknowledged that....I started walking without feeling every single step in my heel.  I am not ready to run yet but I will get there and I just need to relax into it. The timing will be perfect, so I just need to accept it and roll with it....I am so NOT in charge.

First Post of the Year

Goals Goal and more Goals. I love goals.  Honestly, I absolutely love goals.  I need goals.

Side note - My heel feels better today than it has since the Dallas Marathon...I actually feel like I could probably run on it but I won't do it today.  I am signed up for speed training starting next Saturday (1/10/15) - I am going to try my best to just wait until then to run.

In the mean time, I have been swimming, riding and lifting weights, setting goals and signing up for things.

I can only swim about 60 yards without running out of breathe (doing what I have learned is called the front crawl or freestyle?).  I am meeting with a lady at the YMCA today in hopes that she can help me with that.  I haven't shared with her that I only took beginner's swim lessons, and I am not 100% certain I passed the class as I would never dive in the pool.  Oh well.  I have swam 1/2 mile at once, so far, doing a combo of the front crawl and floating on my back.  So, my goal this year is to swim 1 full mile without stopping.  Totally doable, um, once I learn how :)



Biking.  I only do this 30 minutes at a time.  In that amount of time my 'lady parts' are pretty much finished screaming and are just numb.  Not in a good way numb....in a makes me walk funny numb.
My goal, after I actually PURCHASE A BIKE, is to ride for 30 miles with my lady parts in tact.  I believe the seat can be adjusted in such a way that this doesn't happen...otherwise I will prob be standing up most of the time.

Lifting weights - I have been lifting weights once a week for a couple of years now.  That sounds good and looks pretty good as I read it, but here's the deal, I do the SAME freaking routine every single time.  So, I am changing up my routine and incorporating NEW machines in the rotation. YIKES.  I have prided myself on accepting change pretty well but this change has caused a little anxiety for some reason, not sure why.  My goal is the continue adding new machines and not doing the same ones each time.

Other Gym goals include 100 push ups, from the toe.  Currently I am doing 20 consecutive.  Last year I was up to 75 before I hurt my shoulder, so I know 100 is totally doable.  Another random gym goal is 50 handstand push ups.  Currently, I struggle with 1.  This may prove to be my most difficult goal.  Difficult goals are good, right?

I have also decide that I will run a half marathon in 1:45, or less.  THAT is so hauling ass for me it is crazy, but I need crazy.  And I need to "let go" when I am running - I struggle with that but plan on overcoming it this year.  It is mental.  I may need to seek help on it.

Oh, and I signed up for a Sprint Tri on March 15.  Two weeks after the Cowtown Half I am signed up for.  Oh, and it is the day after the Panther City 5K that I am already signed up for. And I don't have a bike yet.  And I can't do the front crawl swim stroke that far yet.  And I haven't run since December 14th.   I am only concerned, because, well, I am not at all concerned.  Freaky.

I have known for a long time that I need a creative outlet in my life.  Creativity brings needed calm and peace to my life so why wouldn't I just do it already?  Well, I guess most of the time when I have "free time" my initial thought is "let's go to the sports bar, Tammy" and off I go.  So, I am training myself to at least stop and think through if that is REALLY what I want to do, if it is I see if I can compromise and wait an hour, do something creative, then go see my peeps at the Sports Bar. Sometime creativity wins, sometimes it doesn't but I am setting my intention to have creativity be a bigger, purposeful, part of my life.  My goal is to have creativity time at least once a week.

I received a link to setting your word for the year (created by Christine Kane) and my word is Openness.  It is honestly the perfect word for me.  My lack of Openness holds me back from all sorts of other things.  That being said, I am going to share a link to this blog with an on-line group I am in very soon...and I will not go back and edit any earlier posts.  

Big. Hairy. Step. For. Me. 

2 race updates

Jogging for Johnson 5k 

I believe this was December 6.  Was kind of cold that morning and there were oh so many kids.  They were everywhere.  I have never run a race with this many kids...oh well, I only did the race for the shirt...twisted humor that makes me laugh every time I think of the race.

I ended up with first in my age group and a PR with a 24:53 with an 8:02 pace.  I f*cking walked again though.  Not sure why I can't make myself just keep going.  I will take a speed class in January and see if I can't get this figured out.  Embarrassing.

Dallas Marathon
December 14
Very overcast sky but not that cold.  A little humid. It was so overcast that I could not see the tops of buildings. It seemed like a perfect day for a marathon to me, as long as it didn't downpour.  I was in the 2nd corral, near the front. We started off pretty well.  I quickly feel in behind a couple running together that had a nice pace and very nice running form.  I stayed with them the first 6 miles or so, but I lost them at a water stop. Never did see them again.  I felt really good in this race, felt like I could probably bring in around a 4:10, unless all hell broke loose or I broke.

Well, I broke.  Right before mile 13.  All of a sudden I could not put any pressure on my right heel.  I could not take a step without feeling like multiple ice picks were stabbing the bottom part of my heel.  Never. Ever. Happened. To. Me. Before.  I am not one that shows pain easily.  I am not saying I don't feel pain, because I do, but somewhere along my 50 years in this body, I learned that to show pain meant weakness, so it is very difficult for me to show it.  But I really had no choice...I couldn't even walk "right".
So, I showed pain and it was ok.  In fact, others runners were very very nice to me.  A random guy told me he would go find the medical tent, and he did. He found it, ran back to my hobbling ass  and told me it was just ahead with a blue flag....asked me if I could make it.  I told random guy of course and I hobbled on.  Made it to the tent and the doc put me on a table, we talked about what I was feeling and that no, I do not remember stepping "funny" or anything...he puts some tape on my foot and says maybe it will help.  I hobble another 3 miles, try to run at times but it is just a no go.  I gave it up.

I really did not want to be a DNF.
I really wanted to say I finished.
I really wanted the medal.

But I really didn't want to injure myself in such a way that I couldn't recover.

So, they told me where to go to wait on the sag wagon.  There was another runner there waiting too - he was a contorted mess.  I offered him some of my salt stick caps but he had his own and they weren't helping.

I won't even go into the next 3.5 hours in sag wagon hell...it is enough to say this part of the Dallas Marathon is a complete and utter mess.  It was awful.  Did not improve my opinion of Dallas at all.

I got crutches from a neighbor -they helped a lot.  Got in to see a doc and get x-rays on Monday morning, nothing is broken (Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!  He said a stress fracture can take up to 2 weeks to show up on an x-ray but that he *thinks* it is a severe case of plantar fasciitis.  I only know what that is because of an online group I am in.  He gave me exercises to do with my foot and a regiment of ice and drugs...and said to stay on the crutches for 2 weeks.

Fast forward a week.  I now have a strassburg sock and a Feetures Planter Fasciitis sleeve. I feel like both of these are magic socks - so I feel certain it is, indeed, PF.  I am off the crutches.  I can walk normal today but it does still hurt.  I can't run yet but I am on my way.  The crutches hurt my hands even with padding so I am done with them.

Damn Funny!

I need to be stronger, Mentally 

I have really got to figure out why I am allowing myself to stop and walk in some of my races.  I need to figure out the difference between the races I give into that voice that says "walk, B" and the races where that voice never ever shows up...or if it does it is easily pushed aside.

I continue to read articles about mental toughness and although I agree with most everything I read I have yet to figure myself out on this one.

I have a fun 5k race this Saturday.  I have a marathon the next week-end.  I really need to figure this shit out before the marathon.  I do not want to become a basket case over it but seriously, wtf?   On longer runs I have always thought I was just bored - and I know that is true but maybe that's not all of it.  Walking in a 5k is not because of boredom - it isn't that long of a race.  Even I can keep myself entertained for 25 minutes...mercy.

I honestly believe I can do anything I set my mind to so it makes no sense to me that in an instant I can "give in" to that little voice.  The two things do not go together, at all.

Maybe I am afraid of doing really well?  I have blown my own mind before so I hate to think that it is but right now it is the best I am coming up with.

I guess I will keep reading as much as I can about this and pick up some more tips.  None of the info I am seeing is new but maybe I will stumble on to something.

I hate over thinking stuff.

Does everyone do this?

Thanksgiving Day 5k

Got up early, went through my normal routine on a "race" day and headed on over to find a parking spot.  It is crowded and it is cold but everyone seems to be happy this morning.  We do all have so much to be thankful for.

I keep an eye out for anyone I might know and I did finally find a lady I used to see at the downtown YMCA - they moved to south Fort Worth so she works out elsewhere now.  Was fun catching up with her.  I find runners to be pretty friendly, which is good because I am usually solo.  

I never really got warm before the race - I walked and jogged up and down a hill hoping to get my legs warm but it never really happened, oh well, I assume everyone else was cold too.  The race starts, we go out fast. My legs are numb.  I wonder if I can keep running, but I do.  It is an odd feeling.  I do not get the feeling back in my legs until the race is almost over.

According to my watch, these were my splits:

 1st mile - 7:41  

2nd mile - 8:15  

3rd mile - 8:34

I actually walked a little bit on the 3rd mile.  That is embarrassing for me to admit, but it is the truth. I wish I could be mentally stronger because it is very mental with me.  When I want to walk I do start going through my body to see what hurts if anything, I am always able to breathe just fine, I just want it to be over I guess.  I don't really know why I give in and walk but I have done it more times that I like to think about.  It makes no sense - I ran an entire marathon without stopping but yet I freakin walk on a 5k?  Crazy.

Even crazier - I got first in my age group.  What?  The fast girls must be running another race today! I will take it but I really need to figure out the mental part of this.

Double Virgin Run

LOL - not like that!  Today is the first time, ever, that I ran at lunch time.  I liked it.  I am working from home so I had the opportunity and I took advantage of it.  I work from home frequently but it has never entered my mind to actually run at lunch time...the thought came to me when I woke up the let the dog out during the night..not sure why other than I didn't work out yesterday and I guess I felt guilty on some level. 

I need to shake things up and not do the same routine all the time...there is a fine line between the absolute comfort of my "routine" and the absolute boredom of the same shit different day I can get into.  Mercy, I am such a Gemini.

Today was also the first time I listened to a podcast, while running, called the "Mental Illness Happy Hour".  Pretty interesting so far.  Looks like most of these podcasts are at least an hour long...I will download a couple more, but I am pleased to say this certainly kept my mind occupied on my noon run.  Or maybe it was the combo of running at a different time of day and listening to something new and different ...who knows, it worked today.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving - I have a 5k in the morning.  I am kind of excited about it and I am thrilled with myself for NOT signing up for the half marathon - yeah!!!!

Love and Light.

 My MoJo is kindof gone - hmmm

Saturday...22 miler scheduled with the running group.  I visualize it several times during the week.  I hydrate well for several days leading up to Saturday.  I eat well.  I sleep pretty well Friday night.  I was woken up a couple of times due to thunderstorms but I slept pretty well. Woke up, ate, prayed, meditated, drove over to meet the group.  It is lightly raining and chilly but its not that big of a deal.  

I start out with the group but somewhere after the first 2 miles I end up on my own.  Several turned back as they are tapering for Thanksgiving day half marathons...I am left with a faster runner and he quickly leaves me in the rain.  I decide to listen to "You Are a Badass" again.  By the time I get to the 7.5 mile mark I decide I am turning around and that 15 will be fine for me today.  Why?  I have no idea really, just decided that was it.  Not sure if it was the off and on heavy rain, having to run in the neighborhood we ran in all summer long or ?  I did make a new "friend" on the way back - nice guy named Joe, we ran and walked the last 2 miles to finish.

What was interesting to me  about the run is afterwards I didn't beat myself up for not going to 22.  I didn't beat myself up for walking part of the 15 that I did do.  I can usually find something to kick my ass over and I certainly had fuel for that after this run but I didn't go there...I felt funny for NOT going there, but then thought, whatever. 

I am certainly not as pumped up about the Dallas Marathon as I was about Chicago.  I am not real sure why but I am trying to figure it out.  Part of it I guess is that I love the City of Chicago.  I do not love the City of Dallas.  I feel certain I will complete the Dallas Marathon but I may not PR.   I haven't trained as hard as I did for Chicago so I probably don't "deserve" to PR but who knows, we'll find out soon enough.

It feels like my MoJo is gone.  I still really like working out and I do not plan to stop but I guess it isn't my total focus like it has been for months.  Maybe I just need a break?  Not sure, I don't see a break until the marathon is over.  Maybe I need to be more well rounded?  

I really do want some sort of creative outlet.  I started cleaning out a space for that in the garage this past week-end and I am somewhat excited to get something going.  I have had stained glass projects, metal art projects and pottery projects in the past so I will start with those.  I am also interested in painting and learning the weld.  

I did go over to another neighborhood to scope out a new running area - it looks promising. 

I admit I am somewhat concerned about the loss of MoJo but not concerned enough to make an appointment with a coach/shrink/psychotherapist/etc to figure it out...I'm going to ride it out for a while.  That is a new reaction for me too...seems very calm.

Peace out.

My Favorite Book this Year

YOU are a BADASS by Jen Sincero

I have this book in an audio book format...I may buy the book format soon just so I can "mark it up" and get to sections easier than I am able to on my Ipod.  I have listened to this book 3 or 4 times and will most likely listen to it again and again.   Each time I listen to it I learn more - not any of it is rocket science, in fact, most of it is just common freakin sense.  The older I get, the more I read and the more I actually listen to myself, to more I realize some things I have known all along but failed to "honor" what I know to be true.

Anyway, I can not recommend this book highly enough.   She does her own audio on the audio book (she reads it herself, not someone else),  she received an award for best narration of a personal development book.  She does an EXCELLENT job - that can make or break an audio book.



    

                              

Audio book review

The Gratitude Effect - by Dr John Demartini  (cool name, huh?)

This book seemed long- was over 6 hours - but I did enjoy it.  I learned a few things from it and do not regret the time I spent listening to it.  It seems so simple but I must admit I could do a much better job at being grateful, for everything, good and bad, than I am.

I have probably NEVER thought to be grateful for bad things.  In the book he explains that really there are no good or bad events, it is our perception of events that we label as good or bad.  Either way, the event has something to teach us and there is always something to be grateful for.  He gives steps (questions)  to try to find those nuggets and he gives many examples.

He shows how the Universe is balanced and self correcting.  I had never thought of that before but it does make sense to me.

He also highly recommends keeping a gratitude journal.  How many times have I heard this?  I think I even started one with an app on my phone one time...I need to write it in a journal not on my phone. He suggest doing it for 1 month and seeing how your life changes.

I love my life already so this can only enhance it.  I believe I will start keeping a gratitude journal today.